Lets check out these scenarios:
1. "Girlllll, you see that new man in that blue suit at church today? He is so fine. And did you see the way he looked at me and then when he went up for prayer? I was singing at church and the Lord told me to look right and then he said.. "that's going to be your husband." And I was like ooooh myyyy gosh, it's about time, my Adam woke up!! Let me go make sure he knows that he's going to be my husband."
Response: Sis, if it's God-- He will tell BOTH parties. You cannot manipulate your will over another persons will and pray that you'll end up together. If it's really God, peace will follow and He will divinely set things up. If not, it's not Him and it's witchcraft or manipulation. So, if the above is true, then rest. The problem with the above is this:: you may have your kids and entire life planned out and he may have a girlfriend who lives in another state.
Then, when he brings his girlfriend to the church and she joins your small group-- you may be mad at her because you think she took your man. BUT, God wanted to use you in each others life but because you allowed jealousy, confusion & strife into your heart-- you passed up a beautiful relationship all in the name of bitterness. And honestly, if God did tell you that "he's going to be your husband, then mind your business-- even if it takes the guy a couple years to pursue you. God isn't a liar so if it's HIM, it will happen. Time shall tell so in the interim, get your mind OFF of a ring and onto Christ. When we redirect our focus, He fills us up & we learn that we need Him, not another event.
I recall a time where me and Cornelius were engaged and he was in the bookstore after church. I wasn't visiting that weekend and this woman asked him where today's "recorded" sermon was located and he showed her-- she continued to ask and then he said, "it's right in front of you, are you blind?" (my hubby's come a long way, he used to be very blunt! lol) She responded: "I'm not blind, matter of fact, I like exactly what I see."And he said, "I'm sorry, but I'm engaged." She said, "you're not married yet." Huh? Blank-stare. Don't be that woman sis.
(While Courting- Aug 2009)
Response: Well, your friend has been checking for so & so too and she thinks that he's the one for her too. Now, she feels uncomfortable sharing things with you so it's become a competition in her mind. So, now-- both of you are quietly chasing for this mans attention and he doesn't even know either of you exist & you're slowly becoming bitter towards your friend as she reminds you of how much she likes him daily.
I'm reminded of:
Song of Soloman 8:4 "Promise me, O women of Jerusalem, not to awaken love until the time is right."
There's a TIME that the love will be right and some of us are trying to wake up somebody else's adam.
So, until the right TIME comes, we have to rest and keep our eyes on Jesus. Remember this: If satan knows that you're thirsty for a man, he will send a man that your "old self" is attracted to but his heart won't be totally right with God. In your heart, you'll KNOW that you're settling.
You will have zero peace about him but because you're lonely and tired of being single, you will continue to date him. You think in your mind that its better to be with someone than to be with no one & have to explain to others why you're single. But, if you continue in that mindset, you will ONLY dig a hole SO deep that you will eventually MISS out on the guy that God has for you.
If I can be transparent with you, I kept a boyfriend prior to my husband. I went from man to man, relationship to relationship because I liked the attention, to be loved and to be desired. But then, I kept hitting rock bottom in those relationships. And honestly, it wasn't always the guys-- it was ME. I was a TRAIN wreck. I tried to make those relationships idols and tag God's name to it. I tried to control the relationships and I continued to come up empty. I didn't need a man, I needed a Savior and I kept confusing the two.
I wanted to be loved, cared for, thought about and protected but I didn't realize that I was searching in all the wrong places. Then, one day-- I realized that I will never be truly happy unless I'm whole in Jesus. I needed Him. So, I broke things off with my then boyfriend. I told him that I needed space and time to think because I'm confident that I was only ruining his life with my up and down confusion. I was single for a season and then I met my now husband. One of the FIRST questions my now husband asked me was pretty much this: "Do you have a boyfriend?"If I had a boyfriend, he would have kept it moving because a godly man with purpose doesn't have time for a woman with a bunch of baggage and a boyfriend. How do you expect the Holy Spirit to flow through that confusion? Why even start off on the wrong foot?
3. There's like NO men at my church, so I need to go after the ones that are there and get one before he's taken.
Response: Sis, do you know that God can import a man? After I dated a few guys in NYC, I told the Lord that He is going to have to import my husband because I sure tried and I was TIRED of doing the picking. I told God that He's going to have to "drop" my husband from the sky and he literally did. :) My now husband had to fly into NYC for work every week so, he dropped into NYC from Atlanta. Isn't it funny how God has such a sense of humor?
You may think that getting into a relationship will fill your many voids but honestly, you will wake up one day and your bed may be filled with a husband and children but you still feel empty. You then blame your husband for not making you happy and nag him until you're blue in the face but it's not even him. You will tell him that he needs to work more hours, get your hair done, help more around the house or whatever else. But, it's not him.
Its you.
True joy comes from Jesus Christ and no human can ever, EVER, fill that void. Don't get me wrong, I love my husband and our son, Logan-- but I understand that I have an assignment on this earth and that is to be a helper to my husband and to lead Logan to Jesus. Prior to this season, God really began to prepare my heart and show me who I was in Him. He showed me that humans are great people but terrible gods and he reminded me that marriage is a ministry of serving each other. If you get into a relationship with the mindset that someone is going to solve all of your problems, you may find that you're disappointed with unmet expectations.
You're NOT content sis! Be honest with yourself! Go to the Lord and tell Him that you're discontent, mad, bitter or whatever else! He can WORK with an honest woman!
4. You meet a guy at church and you hear "he's going to be your husband" and you get so excited and gitty! But, you fail to look down at his ring finger and he's really married.
Response: So, wait. That's not going to be your husband or is he going to leave his wife for you? Why would you ever, ever want to even start a relationship off with the foundation of adultery? And if he is dumb enough to leave his wife for you, he will most likely leave you for another after a few years of marriage. And if you are married and you're reading this-- whatever you're searching for outside of your marriage can only be find WITHIN your marriage. You want excitement again? Get your butt up and be romantic, be exciting, pray for the spark to come back into your marriage and stop thinking that some other human can satisfy you.
5. I'm going to another church where I can get noticed and so my husband can find me.
BUT, we didn't connect until 3 years later because we both weren't READY. As a single, I learned that if I cannot trust God for my spouse, then how can I trust Him for anything else? I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I wanted to be married and have kids one day. I let GO of trying to control it and I told God that I believe that HE put the desire in my heart for a family. So, since HE put that desire in my heart, HE is going to bring it to pass-- not ME.
So, cheers to burning the "you're going to be my husband" card. As women, we will no longer chase down a man, instead, we will chase down Christ. The end.
And one day, you will THANK GOD that "he's not going to be your husband" because God can see what you cannot SEE. God protects you more than you'll ever know and when he DOES introduce you to HIS best for your life, you will be thankful that it didn't work out with anybody else. So, let's get back to the heart of worship. Lets get back on our face with our attention turned to Jesus and not man.
Written by Heather Lindsey
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